Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977)

June 29, 2018

Full disclosure: I decided to watch this movie as a goof with some friends expecting it to be garbage that we could riff on. What we got was actually a really fun and interesting film. Filmed with absolutely no budget, the director/writer George Barry (Death Bed was his only film credit listed on IMDB) puts together a really interesting and surreal film about a bed that is possessed by a demon. 

Death Bed is about a demon who falls in love with a woman whom dies on a bed. After the demon accidently bleeds onto the bed, the bed comes to life and eats whomever rests upon it (often after the women in the scene have become topless because hey... you're not going to make a movie about a bed that eats people and not have a little nudity!). The bed also captured a guy who died of tuberculosis and turned him into a painting which talks to the bed. A final group of teenagers stumble upon the bed and it is up to them to stop its murderous rampage.

Phantasm II (1988)

June 28, 2018

"When you die you think you go to heaven? You come to us!" Nine years later, the Tall Man is still at it! Reanimating corpses throughout the United States to use as his slaves in his other dimensions.

First, there are a few issues that need to be addressed from the get go before getting into the finer points of the movie. The first is the issue of Mike. In the first movie and the three movies that follow this first sequel, Mike is played by A. Michael Baldwin. However, in this movie the studio producers didn't want either Baldwin or Reggie Bannister to play their beloved characters. The director/writer/creator Don Coscarelli went to bat for them and had to pull a few strings just to be able to get Reggie to once again play Reggie. Unfortunately, he couldn't get Baldwin and instead hired James Le Gros to play Mike. While Le Gros did a fine job, the absence of the original actor who played Mike is very noticeable. Also, Mike's brother Jody, who along with Mike was the main character in the original movie, is not in the movie at all. He will also be in the following three sequels. Despite missing two of the three original actors (and one of the central characters) Phantasm II is a really great movie that builds on the success of the original but takes it into a completely different path.

The Stuff (1985)

June 27, 2018

The Stuff is an in-your-face social critique of the consumerist culture of the 1980s with a handful of action film fight and a touch of gore. It features a very bizarre performance by Michael Moriarty who had just been in the Clint Eastwood western Pale Rider and who would go on to play Harry Potter Sr. (no relation) in Troll. He plays a tough guy private investigator with a distracting southern drawl (straight out of a Tennessee Williams play). Throughout the film, he delivers one-punch knock outs to over a dozen Red Shirts and is able to seduce any women he meets. Basically he's James Bond but instead of Sean Connery or Roger Moore, 007 is played by an out of shape, chubby faced southerner. Despite no one buying him as the hero, he does deliver some memorable and bizarre lines: "Well, everybody has to eat shaving cream one in a while." "No one is as dumb as I appear to be." "The name's Mo Rutherford. They call me that because when people give me money I always want mo'."

House (1985)

June 26, 2018

House was a movie that was written as a haunted house horror with a PTSD theme and then turned into a comedy. Unfortunately what all this resulted in was a film that was all-over-the-place. The $3 million dollar budget and incredible practical special effects are overshadowed by the rambling plot and goofy acting.

So a guy's aunt kills herself in a house, guy inherits house, and finds out the house is haunted. Guy is famous writer and movies into house to write a Vietnam memoir. Guy battles Vietnam flashbacks in the midst of the house trying to kill him. Oh, and he has a missing son that he keeps flashing back to. Eventually he finds his son and burns down the house. But don't worry, the house will come back for several more sequels with pun titles.

Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (1988)

June 26, 2018

Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (SBSBOR) is one of those great movies that falls into that unique sub-genre of 1980s monster/slasher t-n-a films. It has an incredible 80s soundtrack that I'm going to try and find. A couple of songs by a band called ZOOM ZOOM really stand out. It has a couple good death scenes despite a next to nothing budget (IMDB guesses $90,000). But most importantly it stars the incredible Linnea Quigley (Night of the Demons, Return of the Living Dead) and George Buck Flowers (he plays a hobo/drunk in almost every 1980s movie... seriously, look at his IMDB credits).

Phantasm (1979)

June 25, 2018

What is it about Phantasm that has captivated viewers for almost forty years now? I discovered this film twenty years ago when it had already become a classic spawning at that time three sequels (just two years ago the fifth phantasm movie had come out). I remember loving the film but being unable to explain exactly why. Like the film's villain, The Tall Man (Angus Scrimm), the movie is so bizarre but also so lovable. The movie's score captivated me with the same eerie eight notes. The helps to create the mysterious atmosphere for the odd plot (if you haven't seen the film, think Exorcist theme). In my early twenties I was in a punk band that actually would occasionally cover the Phantasm theme.

Maybe what makes this film a cult classic is its misfit qualities and charm. It really doesn't fit in with any other movie. It is too weird, too bizarre to be classified next to the slashers, demonic films, and alien flicks that were popular in the late seventies and early eighties. Sure, it's technically an alien movie, but it doesn't incorporate any of the elements typical of an alien movie. I also didn't fit in with any of the cliques in high school and maybe that is what made this film so appealing to me. It is a great film. A really great film! And it doesn't have to conform to any of the expectations, themes, or genres of any other film. It is weird, but so what?

The Wishmaster (1997)

June 24, 2018

Wishmaster retells the classic story of the genie in the lamp as an extremely violent horror film. The film includes a ton of horror stars: Robert England (Freddy Krueger), Angus Scrimm (the tall man from Phantasm), Reggie Bannister (Reggie from Phantasm), Ted Raimi (Army of Darkness, Xena Warrior Princess, Twin Peaks), Tony Todd (the Candy Man), and others. Also the film has some really great practical effects and some computer effects that definitely do not stand up to the test of time.

Beyond the Gates (2016)

June 24, 2018

Beyond the Gates had all the makings of a really fun 80's/90's retro themed movie: A VHS horror game. A buddy comedy. 1980s credit font and music. However, the movie spend way too long on the family dynamics between the three main characters and not enough time playing the actual game.

The movie is about two brothers who are reunited after their father dies and they find a game called VHS Board Game that claims if they win by collecting four keys they will save their father's soul. The game involves the involuntary and voluntary killing of people close to them.

The Void (2016)

June 23, 2018

The Void is one of the first films I've seen in this journey through horror film that I thought was legitimately scary. Not, I can't sleep tonight scary, but definitely check out the window a couple times to make sure no one in a triangle hood is outside brandishing a knife.

The film begins with the shotgun and burning murder of a woman as a man runs away. He is picked up by a cop who brings him to the local hospital where all hell breaks loose. The visuals in this film are remarkably terrifying: The men in the hoods, the monsters that break out of people but still carry the people with them, the sudden flashes of occult and cosmic imagery. The gore is also used heavily and effectively. It reminded me of Event Horizon, including an early in the film death of a woman stabbing out another person's eyes as she cuts of pits of her face flesh.

When a Stranger Calls (1979)

June 22, 2018

The first twenty minutes of this film are some of the greatest twenty minutes in horror movie history! In these twenty minutes the babysitter, played by Carol Kane, keeps receiving calls form a man asking her if she's "checked on the children?" and "why haven't you checked on the children?" Their is an especially scary moment when the killer states that what he wants is to be covered in the babysitter's blood. Her fear intensifies until the climax where she finds out the calls are coming from inside the house. We see the killer's shadow moving towards the stairs right as she opens the front door and a police officer is there to rescue her. Kane's performance is amazing and this scene would be the inspiration for the Drew Barrymore scene from Wes Craven's Scream. We learn that the killer had been upstairs with the children dead covered in their blood for hours .

Pumpkinhead (1988)

June 21, 2018

Don't let the silly name fool you, this 1988 gem has some really great horror moments! Pumpkinhead is the revenge story of a father whose son is killed by a drunk hit-and-run motorcyclist and he seeks out an old lady in the swamp to summon the revenge demon Pumpkinhead to murder the hit-and-runner and his five friends.

There are a few aspects of this film that make it especially interesting. First, the practical effects of Pumpkinhead himself are incredibly well done for 1988... or for today even. Tom Woodruff, Jr. (It, Aliens, Death Becomes Her, Tremors) did an incredible job on the special effects and makeup of the Pumpkinhead creature. A less talented artist could've created something really goofy and ruined the film, but Woodruff's creature is terrifying looking.

Ghoulies II (1988)

June 20, 2018

Vindication! I was so disappointed with the first Ghoulies and was worried that the second one wasn't going to live up to my childhood memory. It was just as stupid and great as I remember. The producer must've learned a couple lessons from the first one. First, if you make a movie called "Ghoulies" make the movie about the actual Ghoulies. Second, if you put a Ghoulie in a toilet on the movie poster, put a Ghoulie in a toilet in the movie. Third, don't take the movie too seriously, it's about a bunch of goofy stop-animation puppet monsters.

Food of the Gods (1976)

June 20, 2018

In the immortal words of Jeff Goldblum's character from Jurassic Park, "Nature uh uh finds a way." Food of the Gods is a nature horror film about giant animals (mostly rats) terrorizing a group of people who are trapped in the woods. Apparently a scientist has discovered or created something that he calls "Food of the Gods" that causes animals to become giant. His wife, a couple bacteriologists, and two campers must find a way to survive the giant animals.

Ghoulies (1984)

June 19, 2018

I was really looking forward to watching this movie. I had hyped it up so much to my wife. I was adamant that Ghoulies blows Critters out of the water 100%! I grew up watching these little guys terrorize people on the TV screen. I remember being afraid to use the bathroom when I was a kid for fear that a Ghoulie would pop out and bite me. Unfortunately, I think I was remembering Ghoulies II and Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go To College. I am not positive if I ever actually saw the original Ghoulies. After watching it, I had to eat crow. This movie sucks.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)

June 19, 2018

What if everyone you knew and everyone you loved suddenly changed? You cannot place your finger on it, but they are different. They look the same but they are not the same. This is what happens when alien spores (?) land on Earth and begin to take over the bodies of Earth's inhabitants. This film really is a sci-fi horror masterpiece. It includes great performances from Donald Sutherland, Brooke Adams, Leonardy Nimoy, and Jeff Goldblum (playing the neurotic character he has perfected over time). Also, if you look carefully, towards the beginning of the film there is a cameo of Robert Duvall as a priest on a swing. There is something off-putting about a priest swinging on a swing. Also, Kevin McCarthy (Network and The Twilight Zone Movie) has a cameo as a frightened running man who is killed and ignored by the police.

April Fool's Day (1986)

June 18, 2018

I've been watching a lot of seasonal horror films lately. I swear it is not intentional. But, well, here's another one. April Fool's Day. This was another great film with a strong cast of characters, brutal deaths, and a couple twists in the end that left me both shaking my head and smiling. April Fool's Day is about a group of nine friends who go to a part on their friend Muffy's remote island. Upon arriving each of them is mysteriously killed off one-by-one by an unknown killer.

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

June 17, 2018

Looking at the cover and title, I expected this to be a funny goofy horror film like Jack Frost. What I got was actually an extremely dark and gritty film. The film is about a boy who sees his family murdered by a man in a Santa Claus. Afterwards he goes to live in a convent where he is abused by a mother superior. When he leaves at eighteen he finds a job at a toy store and unfortunately is forced to play Santa Claus one year. After seeing a couple have sex, he snaps and goes on an axe murdering rampage.

Demented Death Farm Massacre (1986)

June 16, 2018

This Troma release is poorly made even by Troma standards. Most of the film was originally released in 1971 under the title Shantytown Honeymoon. Then a producer bought the film, shot about three minutes John Carradine (Grapes of Wrath actor and John Ford favorite), added it to the film, and retitled it Honey Britches. Then it was sold to Troma who rereleased the film in 1986 under the title Demented Death Farm Massacre... The Movie. Don't let the title fool you, there is no farm, little dementia, and very few and disappointing deaths.

The House on Sorority Row (1983)

June 15, 2018

The House on Sorority Row follows in the proud tradition of the sorority slasher films subgenre of the 1970s and 80s. While there are a couple of really great moments and camera tricks, overall the film is not one of the better of this subgenre.

The film begins with a flashback twenty years prior where a woman in labor appears to lose her child when a C-section goes wrong. Flashforward and now she is the house mom for a sorority of graduating girls looking to through themselves a party. When the house mom decides to end the party the group of girls accidently kill her (in a prank gone wrong) and hide the body in the swimming pool so they can go party. From there it is party guests and girls being killed one-by-one with the "dead" house mom's cane.

From Beyond (1986)

June 14, 2018

From the director of Re-Animator... From the writers of Re-Animator... and from several of the actors in Re-Animator comes... From Beyond. This 1980s horror flick offers great practical special effects in the vein of Clive Barker and an intriguing storyline based on an H.P. Lovecraft short story.

The movie is about two scientists who create a machine called a Resonator that stimulates the pineal gland allowing humans to see beyond this reality. Instead of new dimensions or other worlds all the characters in this film can really perceive is a bunch of creatures which are there to torture and destroy them. Oh, and stimulation of the pineal gland stimulates sexual arousal so there is some nudity and sexuality, a requirement for mid-eighties horror cinema (remember the year before when a severed head "went down" on that woman in Re-Animator... well the same woman is in this one and at some point she inexplicably goes from being a scientist to a sex-crazed dominitrix).

The Mist (2007)

June 13, 2018

Movies based on Stephen King novels used to be a seal of quality in the 1980s. However King's rising stature in the 1990s as The Master of Horror gave him a lot more creative control of his movies and with it came a quick decline in their quality. It was either that or that studios felt that could earn a quick buck by churning out a made-for-tv movie every other week by slapping King's name on the title. There are so many King movies that draaaaag… luckily, this isn't one of those!

Black Christmas (1974)

June 12, 2018

Black Christmas was a surprisingly well done and thoroughly entertaining film. Made in 1974, this film establishes many of the tropes that will be used in later horror films. The film tells the story of a sorority who begins to receive disturbing calls during the Christmas break from a person (or persons) calling himself Billy and addressing a mysterious Agnes. Meanwhile a series of murders are happening within the sorority and simultaneously outside in the local town.

The film includes great performances by Margot Kidder (who does an amazing job a playing a drunk college girl), Andrea Martin (the manager from Hedwig and the Angry Inch), and John Saxon (the father from the Nightmare on Elm Street films). Also, the schoolmarm character is great with her bottles of Sherry hidden throughout the house (at one point she even fishes one out of the back of a toilet to use as mouth wash).