Evilspeak (1981)

July 29, 2018

Directed by: Eric Weston
Written by: Joseph Garofalo, Eric Weston
Starring:  Clint Howard, R.G. Armstrong, Joe Cortese

Budget: $900,000

Quote: Data incomplete... Human blood required. Thus spake the computer.

Trivia: The production did some filming in a South Central church that had been condemned and scheduled to be torn down. When the aged minister saw that the crew were refurbishing the church, he didn't understand that this was "show business refurbishing" and that the church would ultimately be burned down, dropping down on his knees and thanking God. Nobody had the heart to tell him the truth.

Evilspeak is about a misfit that is constantly picked on who discovers a way to summon demons and Satan through his computer. I don't know if it is because I was born in 1982 and spent a good part of my later childhood watching 80s movies on TV, but there is something so comforting about 1980s computer movies. I love the computer prompt with the green and black screen and the ridiculous things that movie writers had computers do because nobody had any clue how computers work. WarGames, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and of course Hackers. Seriously, watch these movies again, the plotlines are adorably ridiculous. Evilspeak is no different, except with the added bonus of Satanism and gore!

The film begins during the Middle Ages with an ousted priest of the Catholic faith performs a satanic ritual to give himself everlasting life. The film jumps forward to 1981 where Stanley Coopersmith (Clint Howard) is a cadet at a military school (that for some reason is extremely religious and at times it is difficult to discern whether the school is a convent or military training school... according to the IMDB trivia, it was filmed at an old church so that might have something to do with it, also, decrepit religious places just add a certain creepiness). Stanley gets harassed by his fellow cadets for messing up during a soccer game (reminds me of Super Bad... Who cares, it's soccer Greg, it's soccer). Stanley is continually harassed until eventually he finds the ancient book of the satanic priest from the middle ages. Translating it from Latin into English using his computer, he awakens the evil priest and with it has power to enact revenge on those who have wronged him.

Clint Howard is absolutely great in this film (as he is in all his films) as the bumbling military cadet. Clint Howard does such a good job of playing the sad sack. At one point in the film there is a rather sad scene, for a movie about a satanic computer, where some of the military cadet goons kill Stanley's dog. Stanley's brief monologue after this scene is rather touching and puts the viewer completely on his side thereby excusing any of the satanic revenge he will later commit. One of Stanley's first victims is Sarge, the custodian or something who threatens to show Stanley "how he turns little boys into little girls." One can only guess this is a threat of sodomy but luckily he is killed off before we can find out for sure.

Being a low budget film, the filmmakers are unable to create elaborate costumes or use fancy CGI techniques so the evil spirits that Stanley's computer summons are demonic pigs and boars that rout out Stanley's enemies. Later in the film there are some cool scenes when Stanley is possessed by the satanic priest which gives him the power of levitation and the ability to wield a really big sword and slice up his victims. Rather than being cheesy, as one might imagine a levitating Clint Howard could be, the scenes have a dark feel to them.

And no 1980s horror film would be complete without a little bit of nudity. There is slight nudity during the Black Mass performed at the beginning of the film, but it is the shower scene that is most memorable. The military school hosts a beauty pageant and one of the contestants goes off to take a shower afterwards. While showering she is attacked and eaten by one of the demonic pigs. The scene is the type of classic eighties horror that makes the film so fun to watch.

Well acted with an interesting plot, Evilspeak is a gem from the 1980s. Evilspeak also begins Clint Howard's horror film acting career. Prior to this he has mostly only done television and played Eaglebauer in Rock 'n' Roll High School. Satanism, Demonic Pigs, Clint Howard, and retro computers... how can this not be a fun movie?